This is the first day of the rest of our lives. For a long time I have been thinking of ways to change bad habits into good ones, because I have way too many bad ones and I feel lop-sided. Writing is a good habit- watching too much you tube- bad habit. However "bad" or "good" our habits are, the outcome of the habits is where the focus changes and judgement is clear. If you are not where you want to be in life or headed there inside your every move then some things need to change. There are a million reasons to continue habits as soon as as life becomes hard- It's very easy to justify. After all- comfort is what we all need after the world has her way with us and spits us onto the couch dripping in our own drool. Wine and weed help tone the world to our liking. Social media has a million and one creative ventures to see, and so many ideas from so many people. An artist could loose themselves there, and I must admit, I was lost in it for quite a while. Questions that deserved answers were verified, tons of ideas were added to the already overflowing idea bin in my brain and the point of explosion is today.
Getting over bad habits is very close to rehab... inside the brain rector scale ( earthquake detector for the soul). I feel that right now, I'm personally inside my own pole shift. I've been through this before. It's exciting on the outset if taken that way. I know that today is a turning point, a chance to make a 180 degree turn. Just to add an ember to the fire, I am writing about it as the days zoom by. Starting now.
So- just to update- I have been an artist-making a living off of my art since I was in my 20's. This year, I'll turn 50. I've traveled the world on my art, hoping to not only make enough money to start something amazing for artists of the future, but to spread the love in the inspiration that is the center of creative thought. I decided to school myself in areas of science, metaphysics and energy throughout the adventures in the art world. I'll write about all that another time. I found connections that blew my mind.
Then something happened- Have you ever been so busy playing your own game, that when you finally raise your attention elsewhere, you realize the entire room has changed around you? Mandela's staring at me from the corner, laughing.
Instead of the extrovert that I was used to, that fun-loving Colleen that jumped at the word go, I had become cautious and doubtful. I started smoking and drinking, the latter of which is never good for me. I haven't been on that binge in months, thankfully, but the journey uphill is a mountain before me. There's a lot to uncover there. I'm not ready for that yet. It's really hard for me to ask for help. I feel like these are all hurdles I'll be facing soon. If there is any way that others are suffering the same circumstances I hope that posting this journey gives comfort that none of us are alone. It takes courage to admit downfalls, even more to tackle them.
Today is different. Today, I'll laugh right back at Mr. Mandela and his corner of confusion and I hope to take a world of friends with me.
Together, we can take the world back from where it was going. This is a miracle painting. It was the very last painting I painted before over 100 paintings were stolen in an art scam. I felt like my foot was just inside the door of fame in the art arena.
Last week some friends and family shocked me with a shipment of over 50 paintings. They were being sold off by someone who most likely bought palettes of paintings sold in a bankruptcy auction. They were selling them for less than it cost me in materials, and I could not afford to buy them back. So a few friends took it upon themselves to bring my lost paintings home. I've been in and out of tears of shock and gratitude, and have come to a conclusion. No matter how much I would like to take on everything and just fix it as best I can without asking anyone to step out of thier comfort zones, people will do it anyway. We all have a spark of truth and light that yearns to make every place we visit just a little nicer than when we first arrived.
Our feet are just inside that door, and if you look closely there are friends there reaching out to pull us through. ( I painted them as tiny burnt marshmallows- there is a chapter in my book about them- they are the soft-hearted tough skinned souls who've made it through fires)
Today is the first day... and in every day may we wake up with this fresh and brand new view of life.